The previous 5 chapters were all about the self, 

• Developing self awareness, and 

• Getting on your own unique process to continuously become the best version of yourself 

This recording on the other hand is all about connecting with other people,

because at the end of the day, that’s what life is about

But it’s so difficult to do this, because:

• It involves developing social skills 

• It involves vulnerability and opening up, 

• It involves managing ego, which is so hard! 

• It involves fundamental shifts in mindset and beliefs

>> And it’s becoming more difficult to connect with people on a deeper level, because things are moving online so fast. 

So we’re connected online all the time, but we’re growing further apart from each other 

That’s why I focused on addressing the SELF first, 

Only after I learned how to take care of myself, was I able to connect deeper with others. 

It takes a lot of effort, but it’s so important to develop this for 2 reasons 

1. First to create love and memories with people you care about.

2. Second, to create purpose with a team of like minded people. 

I haven’t found anything that gives me more joy than these two things 

And all of my self growth is attributed to others. 

Sure I put in efforts myself, but everything only happened because of my parents, my mentors, the friends I met, the books I read, 

This is why it’s crucial to develop more connections with other people, because this will lead to more opportunities for growth. 

But also to develop deeper relationships as well, especially with the few people that we are closest to, because this is what gives people the most joy. 

Now, I had to start from scratch to learn all of this, but because of that, I’m able to share everything that I’ve learned along the way

So anyone listening can learn how to develop more connections, and deeper relationships. 

My Upbringing

I want to first share a bit of my upbringing. 

I was always a shy kid, I grew up in a very restrictive country, and I had a stutter. 

So all of this developed social anxiety. 

For the first 18 years, I did nothing to actively fix it apart from taking some pills. 

It was only when I moved to Montreal for University, that I found myself in a new place where nobody knew me, so it was easier to be a bit more bold and meet new people. 

But the underlying anxiety was still there, and I was just avoiding it, I was doing things to numb myself from it and escape reality. 

So although I immensely benefited from changing my environment, I didn’t change myself yet. 

It was when I moved to Toronto after I graduated, that I realized like ...

wow, I met a lot of people, but I don’t have many actual friends. 

So there I was at 22 years old, alone, and unemployed because I would stutter in every interview. 

Fast forward 3 years,

I was hosting weddings,

I was performing improv comedy on stage,

I was giving public presentations, and most importantly,

I was able to be myself in any environment. 

This process is what I want to share in this chapter. 

Everything I mentioned in the first few chapters helped me develop my mindset, and my health. 

This was my foundation to connect with more people. 

Improving my health made me feel better. Of course right. 

Then I was able to do more in my life. 

Now my mindset growing up was very limited. 

But training my mindfulness and reflecting on my experiences, is what allowed me to slowly challenge my comfort zone. 

Those actions are what gave my brain the proof that I can be myself in any social setting. 

Eventually I got to a point where I gave my brain enough proof that nervous energy is the same as excitement, but the different is how my brain perceives it 

So I still get nervous is some situations, but I know how to handle it now

I take deep breaths to calm my nerves, I meditate before presentations, I talk slower, I plan a lot etc.. 

And then I do it, and I learn from the feedback.

And during those few years, in my career I went from being unemployed, to finding a job at a smaller firm, and then using all of these skills I developed to network better, and eventually land the role I always wanted at a larger firm in downtown Toronto. 

By Networking, I mean creating genuine relationships with new people. 

Not for any outcome like getting a job, but just to get to know them, to learn from them and develop myself. 

While working at the smaller firm,

I had a 90 minute commute where I listened to audio books along the way.

Then after work, I’d spend another hour driving downtown and paying $25 for parking and I’d go to around 2 networking events and 1 coffee meeting every week.

For 1.5 years. 

And believe me, it is awkward and nerve wracking at the start, BUT like anything that’s meaningful, at the beginning

YOU JUST GOTTA PUSH THROUGH IT,

and after a while you develop those muscles and it becomes easier.

And because I went out of my way so much to attend those meetings, I had a lot of appreciation for them and I wanted to learn as much as possible from each one. 

So I had many Google Docs, where I journaled my experiences from these meetings. 

And I planned for them, 

• What I wanted to achieve, what skills I was working on, how many people I wanted to introduce myself to 

And I would spend even more time reflecting on them afterwards. 

• How I felt, where I was most shy, what I did well, what I wanted to improve on

This is what expedited my growth so much

So once I kept this up for about a year, more doors started to open up, and it definitely wasn’t due to luck. 

My entire perception changed. 

Instead of walking into a networking event with a ton of people and getting scared, I would walk in and see an endless amount of opportunities to create new connections with people.  

• All it took was a small action. 

• IT WAS AS EASY as saying Hi first. Or asking a question. 

• And I used to always overthink what to say, but after a few months everything simplified. 

• All I had to do was say hi first, be curious, and listen. 

And all of these experiences also helped me see how superficial networking is. 

I saw it in myself. 

I was going to events to take something from other people, I was focused on myself. 

I was focused on inflating other people’s perceptions of me. 

But because I was developing self-awareness and reflecting so much on the side, I was able to eventually see how fake this was. 

But after a while of doing this process, I started to become more of myself. 

And this is what I want to share with this recording. 

Genuine Networking. 

Genuine to yourself first, and then consequently to other people. 

This is once again why I harp on Self-Awareness so much - it is key to catch yourself when you’re putting on a front. 

So instead you can focus on becoming the most genuine version of yourself, and learning how to express it, because this makes you a magnet to attracting like minded people 

Instead of wasting your time around the wrong people. 

So I broke down everything I learned about genuine networking into four pillars: 

1. First, train Yourself to Be Yourself, and Express it

2. Learn the Art of Asking to open up endless opportunities at will

3. In any interaction, Be Present, by first being Curious then Listen, Listen, and Listen some more. 

4. Have an Introspection and Reflection process to speed up learning 

Before I break down each pillar, the most important thing is to understand that all of them are a process. 

Everyone is at different stages for each pillar, but all of them together, holistically tackle the elements of genuine networking. 

Everything has their own ladder of comfort, but the important thing is to focus on climbing it one step at a time. 

FOUR PILLARS OF GENUINE NETWORKING

(1) Be Genuinely Yourself

This isn’t just Be Yourself. 

Because when I heard that 5 years ago, it didn’t mean anything to me. 

Because I was incomplete and lacking in many areas. 

But when I hear that now, it sounds like: Constantly become the best and most genuine version of yourself.

And how did I do this?

By everything I described in the last 5 chapters. 

1. First was a Gradual Wake up, 

   • To realize that I wasn’t living my best life and I was wasting my time. 

   • It wasn’t my fault, but it was, my responsibility to do something about it

2. Second, was to start developing Self-Awareness 

   • By training mindfulness through at least 1 mindful activity like meditation/yoga/running, and also training introspection by writing. 

   • Because this made me more aware of myself, and other people. 

3. Third, was to learn Important Life Skills, because I didn’t learn these at school

   • Health: 

     • Mental, by reading, seeking mentors, training mindfulness

     • Physical by sleeping, exercising and eating less garbage. 

     • Spiritual, by practicing gratitude, and giving to others. 

4. Fourth, was to develop a healthy relationship with failure, and look at challenges as opportunities to grow

5. Fifth, was to develop a Growth Mindset by constantly Planning and Reflecting, doing powerful habits that were good for me, and always being a student and seeking mentorship 

Yes, this is a lot of stuff. 

But this is almost everything I’ve learned in 27 years.

If this was easy, everyone would be happy and successful. 

But at least, the most I can do, is make it as concise as possible. 

And lay out the path for other people. 

It takes time and patience to slowly break the shell and express the genuine version of yourself, but having the process laid out saves a lot of time. 

(2) Learn the Art of Asking

The second is arguably the most important, developing the art of asking. 

I truly believe that it’s a superpower, because this is how opportunities are created. 

It opens the pathway for connection. 

One person has to open up and ask first. 

So let it be you. 

But many people, including myself for most of my life, have a fear of rejection. 

So we don’t ask. 

Each time our instinct jumps at us to do something, and we don’t answer the call, we are rejecting ourselves. 

But all it takes is one small moment of bravery sometimes to say what’s on your mind, and ask. 

And this is something that is trained over time. 

More and more, our brains realizes that

THERE IS NOTHING TO LOSE WHEN ASKING AND EVERYTHING TO GAIN 

Focus on the learning each time, and reduce your fear of rejection over time. 

Because it is our duty to give as much proof as possible of this to our brains. 

And after 2 years of actively networking, I realized that the world is at my feet, all I have to do is ask. 

The opportunity is only created when I take that first small step. 

Just ONE small step further

• Starting the conversation first, 

• Opening up more to the barista on how your day is actually going

• Reaching out to someone and asking for help 

Taking the initiative because one person has to, and learning along the way. 

At the end of the day, I just asked more than other people, and that’s why I unlocked more opportunities. 

(3) Be Present in A Conversation

The next one is crucial, because it involves how to handle actual conversations. 

It’s to Be Present as much as possible in a conversation. 

My first issue was being too shy, and not starting conversations. 

My next was figuring out how to hold conversations, and figuring out what to say next. 

This is stressful, and I also find most people stuck here. 

And that’s because very often we aren’t listening to the other person, because we’re stuck in our own heads, and thinking what to say next. 

So I wanted to share my best tips to be more present during a conversation:

• Become present by training Mindfulness 

  • Yes the same old stuff, mentioned again. 

  • There’s something beautiful that happens when we get out of our heads and in the moment, life, and every moment in life becomes more meaningful 

  • But we need to train ourselves to do so because we’re programmed to go the other way with how the world’s become now 

• Practice Eye Contact

  • I started practicing this because I was so scared at keeping eye contact for some reason, but I trained it over time, and now it helps me become more present because I see the other person, something real happens when you look into someone’s eyes 

• Be Curious, 

  • Life, and people, are truly fascinating. 

  • There have been billions of us over thousands of years, and we’re all different. 

  • But I learned that the curiosity must start with me, and I need to seek it. 

  • In every conversation, there was something for me to learn about the other person, the world, or myself… as long as I was curious 

  • If anything, people love talking about themselves, so find what makes you curious about them or their careers, and ask about it 

• Don’t seek anything, just focus on giving value: 

  • Always think, “how can I help this person”

  • And sometimes all it takes is to give them space and listen. 

• Train Vulnerability:

  • Put yourself out there first, because this also gives a gift to the other person to be vulnerable and share something as well. 

  • If not, it doesn’t matter, because each time you do this, it makes you more comfortable. 

(4) Plan & Reflect Well

Last pillar was to plan and reflect well. 

This is the one thing in my control, so I had to do it as best as possible. 

In everything that I’ve done, my planning and self-reflection process expedited my learning significantly. 

I would be years behind if I did the same work, but without the reflection.

I would almost use it like a life hack, because what I chose to write about and reflect on, gave my brain positive feedback. 

So I would reflect on the meetings I had, how I felt, what I learned, and then I was able to learn quicker. 

IN PRACTICE

So all of that is great information, but knowledge needs application. 

None of this is valuable without taking action on them, so I wanted to share how

I used these 4 pillars in my actual life to find my dream job.

So the first pillar was train yourself to be yourself. 

Everything I did along this path, made me happier and gave me more energy. 

So I had more energy to go to events and connect with people. 

I improved my social skills each time. 

And the more people I met, the more chances I created. 

Second, was asking. 

Slowly over time, I asked for coffee meetings, I asked to keep in touch with people at networking events, and then I actually followed up. 

I documented every person I met on my Google Docs and even in a spreadsheet. 

This is how I created opportunities over time, and slowly reduced my fear of rejection at the same time 

Third, was to be Present. 

I got a lot out of my meetings and networking events because I was always focused on listening, I was trying to be as present as I could be, and they saw it. 

They saw a young guy trying to learn, and create an opportunity for himself.

And just putting my focus on listening and being eager to learn, helped me develop stronger relationships. 

Last, was Reflection

I had a Google Doc, that was many hundreds of pages long.

The 1st page would have why I wanted a job at this specific place,

Then I would have all the responses to common interview questions,

I had my pitches saved,

I reflected on the meetings I had,

I studied these every day for at least 30 minutes 

Before every event or meeting, I would make a plan and prep some questions, then afterwards, I would debrief it…. 

This is what allowed me to develop much quicker in everything that I was planning to develop 

I would even combine all of these 4 pillars for interviews 

I would become the best version of myself for THAT day,

Because I would sleep well the day before,

I would eat well day of,

I would try to talk to as many people as possible before the interview to warm myself up,

I would call my best friend just before to improve my mood,

I may listen to music to get out of my head and in my body 

I would meditate before to calm my nerves, and become more present during the interview. So I had more space to respond 

I would of course spend a significant amount of time planning, prepping and debriefing the interview after it was done 

And before I knew it, was there. 

I was working exactly where I wanted. 

And I loved almost every step along the way. 

Conclusion

There was a lot in this chapter. 

Because that’s what it takes to create more relationships, and deeper connections. 

But one final tip that I would have is to make the process fun instead of anxious. 

If you look at all of these things, and you’re starting from square one like I was 5 years ago, you would be lost and all over the place. 

But the key word is what I just mentioned, it’s a process that is done over time. 

How I would do this process again, knowing all of this, is to write down the parts of this chapter that I liked. 

Maybe in a Google Doc. 

And just make a step by step plan to develop myself. 

Lastly, the key in making it sustainable in the long run involves your Mindset and Attitude. 

1. First, Keep in mind that if you are on the right path, then everything will come at the right time. The right path is doing what’s in your control 

   • Which is developing yourself better (almost) every day, learning constantly, being prepared and having a plan, reflecting, asking and putting yourself out there 

   • And then just taking it one step at a time

2. Second is to focus on the learning instead of the outcomes. 

   • Don't focus on outcomes, focus on learning. 

   • Then there are no such things as rejections, and you will take way more shots. 

Good luck and have fun :)